Welcome!
I’m Kendra, a writer, podcaster, and creativity researcher based in north-central Florida. I’m an HSP (highly sensitive person) and have lifelong mental health challenges that I successfully manage through a committed creative practice and living a creative life. I have a social science PhD and went through a serious, years-long burnout getting it done. Now I work as an intuitive creativity mentor, helping other creative & sensitive thinkers find their way through burnout, reconnect with their essential creative self, and build a more beautiful life rooted in fulfilling creative practice.
I created this website and my podcast, Stepping Off Now, as resources for creative people struggling with burnout and its associated mental health challenges, who have tried everything and just can’t seem to find a way forward. It’s based on my own experiences and research into how creative gentle souls like myself can thrive in a society that isn’t made for our personality types. I’ve learned that existential burnout may even be inevitable for creative & sensitive types, and that it can serve a unique and positive purpose in our lives. It’s my hope that if you are experiencing the confusion, frustration, and anger of burnout, or even if you are just feeling stuck or can’t find the motivation and inspiration for a dedicated and rewarding creative practice, that you’ll find something here that brings you hope and solace. Please feel free to contact me with questions!
My Critical Juncture
There are moments in life when you are standing on a precipice.
In 2017 my life was at a complete standstill. I’d just finished my PhD, but instead of being ready to take on the world, I felt nothing but despair and hopelessness. I didn’t want to continue in academia, but I had no idea what else I could do. So I decided to take my first real vacation in years and go traveling. Two weeks after my graduation I flew to New Zealand, and on my first day there I found myself standing on a platform 43 meters above a rushing turquoise river, trying to psyche myself into taking a swan dive. I had always said I would never bungy jump, and yet somehow there I was in that defining moment when you make the decision to do it. . .or not. That was the moment I realized that I didn’t need to find a new direction – I needed to change everything about my life. I had to take that leap into the unknown.
It’s scary to set off on a path with no markers. It’s easier and more secure to follow the well-defined, conventional routes that society condones. But if you’re anything like me, you’ve spent a lot of time wondering why the things that seem to make other people happy don’t make you happy. I’m here to tell you there’s nothing wrong with you. I created this site and my podcast, Stepping Off Now, to be the kind of resources I would have loved to have when I was experiencing my darkest days. I found hope and freedom, and you can, too.
My Origin Story
I’ve always been a seeker.
When I was a teenager I spent a year abroad in Italy, and loved the experience so much I ended up doing both my bachelor’s and master’s degrees overseas. I lived in China, Japan, and Australia for much of my late teens to mid-twenties. Having the opportunity to connect with people from vastly different cultures, learn their languages, perspectives, and dreams, was the privilege of a lifetime. I studied Eastern thought: Traditional Chinese Medicine and Daoism in China, and Zen Buddhism, tea ceremony, and wabi-sabi aesthetics in Japan. I returned to the States with new eyes.
Homecoming isn’t easy when you’ve changed so much while away. Living overseas had been my life and identity for almost a decade, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. I spent several years working in some really interesting places, like an internet startup and a retirement home, before beginning a new adventure in Washington, DC., where I found a position at a think tank doing research on the transnational security challenges of the coming century: water scarcity, food insecurity, political extremism, and pandemics. The work sent me to India, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh. It was an incredible time.
But at heart I’m a scholar and a creative. I’m happiest when I’m allowed to sit alone in a room all day to play with ideas and write. After much thought, I decided that pursuing a PhD would allow me to continue in my field of international relations in a way that suits my personality and talents. I found a great program at the University of Florida that offered me a fellowship that included research travel to Costa Rica. Once again I was going overseas! I dove into my new adventure with high hopes, but as you’ve read above, it didn’t turn out as I’d planned. I barely made it across the finish line. I was completely burned out, in a deep despair.
So I did what was familiar to me: I went overseas. First to New Zealand and then to Guatemala, where I stayed with a host family and studied Spanish. I returned to the States still unsure of my future, but knowing a few true things about myself. I love connecting with different kinds of people and seeing the world through their eyes. I love learning about all different kinds of things: I’m a generalist, not a specialist. And what I value in life is meaningful experiences. I knew what I wanted to do in life was make a meaningful contribution. And I knew one other thing. I’m a writer. I’ve always been a writer. With these things in hand, I knew I would find my way somehow.
I remembered all the times I’d searched for guidance myself, and had been unable to find anything that really spoke to me in the way that I needed. That’s how this website and later my podcast were born. In a way I’m speaking to myself in the past, the me who was suffering and struggling so much, who so desperately needed some loving encouragement, wisdom, and hope. And I hope that this website speaks to those of you who need that in your lives right now. There is something more, something better, out there for you.